it has finally stopped snowing up here for a while. thawing out again! i can say that i have never seen this much snow. i just thought campbell county was bad for calling out whenever they saw the first snowflake...the system up here has learned the hard way, i guess, that when snow is in the forecast, they'd better cancel. i don't believe jonah is going to get a spring break. 

the snow itself doesn't bother me,. what is so upsetting for me is the darn snow-plower that comes through every time it snow. at first, when our landlord told us that he had a guy that would come out a plow, we thought that was wonderful. BUT....i can honestly say, that plowing every time it has snowed has done NOTHING beneficial except scrape almost every bit of the gravel off. now when it thaws out, the driveway is absolutely nothing but a strip of mud and muck. quicksand.....i can't even drive my car up because its so wet that i slide. so...i park it down by the mailbox. other than that, jonah and i have really enjoyed the snow. it is so pretty looking out into the woods, on the tree limbs. i remember mother loved looking out at the snow, expecially if it was a wet snow or icy. i guess that's why i like it so well.

speaking of mother, in a round-a-bout way, i am friends with my sister, julie, on facebook. a week or so ago, she posted a comment that she was missing her mother a little more than usual that day. and wished her mom a happy birthday. i remember her mother, who was my dad's 2nd wife, and i believe the love of his life. sometimes when i would be with my dad on the weekends, he and jane would go out on a date. i remember going to the movies with them once-at a drive-in. i think that it was the one that was on clinton highway, where the super-walmart is now. wow, that's been a long time. i always liked her, and i thought she was so pretty. she had short black hair, and i think it was kind of curly? i'm not to sure about that. when ever she would be ready to walk out the door of her house, she would open up the basement door and call down to her sister, "ruth, i'm gone". i think her sister had red hair. i always loved red hair. still do! 

i think of my mother and i still don't cry. i don't know if julie crys for her mother or not. my mom took aver a year to die. with cancer. at first, it was esophogeal cancer that the doctors thought they got taken care of. she suffered. that's hard to do, watch someone die. mother was alot different than me in the sense that she loved to work outside, and hardly ever sat down if there was ANYTHING that wasn't done. me? now that's a different story. unless i'm at workm it doesn't hinder me a bit to sit down. and you can tell the difference our houses too. and to see her just sit down, knowing why she wasn't up, staying busy, was saddening. she and i both knew. uncle don says that i haven't cried because i grieved her death while i watched her die. i've said before, i watched her melt like a piece of ice in a hot skillet. i knew that she was on her way out, and that she was in an immense amount of pain. i don't know how she did it, because just like she had always done, she never complained. and i know now that she is no longer in pain. i have no doubt about her eternity because of the testimony she had, and the dying grace that God gives His children on their deathbeds. 

julie, on the other hand, lost her mother suddenly and unexpectantly. she was on her way to work, when she  was hit head on by a drunk driver. that's most of the reason why i had a damn drunk driver. people, sit your ass at the house if you're going to drink. and i hate to cuss, but that's just the way i feel. my sister lost her mother because of a damn drunk driver not being able to stay put. julie was on 18, fresh out of high school.  she's gotten married and had 3 boys, buried dad too, all without her mom. she was an adult legally, but had to "grow up" so to speak, without her mommy. there's a difference in that word, mommy. when you don't have yours, you become a child all over again. lost, bewildered, all over again. no matter how old you are, you suddenly have to do it all on your own, you no longer have the safety net of running home, of picking up the phone to call, no more birthdays, Thanksgivings, Christmas', mother's day, not just her's, but yours too. ALL the little things that made the relationship so intimate. jane had a full time job, but also cleaned offices at night a couple days a week and dad told me that she ALWAYS had supper waiting for he and julie if they were out when she went to clean. it was hard, he said, coming home after she died, with the reality slapping him in the face again when the house was empty without the aroma of something jane had waiting for him to eat. the anniversary is hard too. i don't know if she still does or not, but julie used to take that day off because it was so hard on her. that day is almost as significant as all the others, maybe even more so. i think my sister is a strong woman. a wise woman. the kind of wisdom and strength that only comes when you've had what you love the most in the world ripped away. itputs me in mind of someone that has had to go through the grueling routine of physical therapy of learning how to walk again, how to dress yourself, how to tie your shoes again, how to feed yourself, and God forbid, how to clean yourself after toileting. God bless my sister, i love her so much. shes a good somebody.

Your Mother Is Always With You

Your mother is always with you... She's the whisper of the leaves
as you walk down the street.
She's the smell of bleach in
your freshly laundered socks.
She's the cool hand on your
brow when you're not well.
Your mother lives inside
your laughter. She's crystallized
in every tear drop...
She's the place you came from,
your first home.. She's the map you
follow with every step that you take.
She's your first love and your first heart
break....and nothing on earth can separate you.
Not time, Not space...
Not even death....
will ever separate you
from your mother....
You carry her inside of you....
- Sherry Martin